20 Funny Life Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

Funny Life Quotes – We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Not only does laughter reduce stress, but it also lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. So to keep you healthy and happily enjoy these funny quotes on life.

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?”

Funny Quotes on Life

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.”

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”

“I can resist everything except temptation.”

“Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.”

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

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“I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.”

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“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”

“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of large research staff to study the problem.”

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”

“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

 

 

 

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